No wheat...no fun

So it has only been a few days since I started going 'wheat free'....and my god is it difficult. I like bread, I like pasta, and I especially like baked goods. I went to culinary school to become a pastry artist(hopefully a pastry chef one day)...this no wheat thing is torture. Every day at work for lunch I used to have panini's which are delicious by the way...if you're not eating them you should be, and now I can't have them. I like to bake and make lovely desserts(most of which use some sort of flour), but I also like to try what I make, and that's no longer possible.
I realize that I am doing this for my health and to maybe help my body feel better...but every time I see a dessert or some bread I want to secretly take it, hide in another room(so that my fiance doesn't catch me cheating at this diet), and eat the scrumptious wheat filled product even though its making my body feel like crap. In today's society flour is in so many different products that it is difficult to cut this main ingredient from your diet. In culinary school flour is a staple ingredient to at least 85% of desserts we are taught to make. You can use other flours that do not contain wheat for some products, but most don't work for a lot of things.
To help me try and stick to this 'wheat free' idea, my fiance has chosen to also cut out wheat from his diet...and he is totally fine with it. Nothing like a support group that is enjoying the diet while you're sitting in the corner, smuggling in baked goods, and pretending like you're not eating them even though the chocolate on your face says otherwise.
To some people my inability to stick to a wheat free diet(that hasn't happened yet but i'm not holding my breath that I won't cheat) may show a lack of willpower...but I will tell you this. Tell me the products at the bottom of this page don't look amazing. Tell me that if you were in constant pain and food was your BFF that you wont have a hard time resisting...and tell me that when you are left alone that you wouldn't cheat...because nobody would know but you and you are totally fine with that :P(I made everything in the photo's by the way)

 

Mehhhhh, no big deal

So I feel that my body should be pretty much healed now that it has been about 3 weeks since my lap. I was back on my feet after the first week(minus the fall I had while walking home because ice is not my friend) and now my stomach no longer hurts and my incisions are healed. But for the past few days I have been having this burning feeling on my insides right about where my right ovary should be. It feels like a stabbing pain combined with excessive heat(like if you were to hold your hand over a candle flame)...that kind of burning. And it hurts so damn much. The feeling makes me nauseous and its painful to stand straight. I realize that my body is probably still healing but this is not a feeling that I have ever felt before, nor did I experience his feeling after my first lap.
With my luck(yes I have none) this is a new symptom that I am now going to have to learn how to cope with....YAAA ME.
Is it sad or funny that this feeling doesn't overly concern me though...
You know something is bad when you have a new symptom and you go...

Pain, Pain...Go Away

So it has now been well over 2 weeks since I hap my lap...I'm fully healed and yet I am still in just as much pain as I was before the surgery. I have burning in my insides, it hurts my bladder like crazy whenever i have to pee...and I have almost constant cramps :(
I have asked a few people and they've told me that this is normal...but for god-sake I just want my lady parts to feel better so that my life can feel kinda...sorta...maybe a little bit normal.
My life as been affected in every single way since my symptoms of this disease first appeared...And I mean every part of my life...(even the private parts of my life that I have promised my fiance I would never speak about on my blog).
I want this pain to stop...but I don't know if it ever will

Endo-1...Jessica-0

Today endo my much hated friend..you won the battle. Back pain, excessive cramping and what is described as contractions(never had kids and not looking forward to the pain if its anything like what I am feeling), major bloating(pants no longer fit), and finally upset stomach. And all these lovely things started while I was at work just doing my own thing, not trying to piss off my endo or anything.
I even had to ask my boss if I could go to the pharmacy to try and find anything that might help with the pain so I could make it through the rest of my shift. My only help was a heating pad. Although these are supposed to be used for back pain, they work for ladyparts pain just as well. They strap to your body and heat your insides. This helped with some of the pain, but just barely enough to not puke during my shift. While at the pharmacy, the pharmacist suggested that I try a 'Wheat Free' cleanse. Basically cut out all(or as much as I can) wheat products for a month and see if it helps with the pain or bloating. This isn't the first time this has been mentioned to me but I never took it serious. I guess that wheat causes inflammation in your insides which can contribute to the pain that most of us feel. Part of me feels that this cleanse might be a crock of crap...but another part of me is willing to try just about anything because options are limited. Either this cleanse could help me...or it could do nothing. Not a win-win situation...but definitely not loosing anything either.

So I realize that I haven't posted in a while, and I apologize for this. My fiance works crazy hours and is gone for days at a time, so when he is home I try to spend as much time with him as possible. He was home for about 72h and then went right back to work which I can assure you is the least liked part of my day.
Although I haven't blogged, I have been keeping track of comments and such either on my blog, or on the other areas in which I post my story. I would like to thank every person who has responded to my blog and who find it beneficial. I have officially reached 1000 views which is wayyyy more than I expected to ever reach in such a short period of time. Here is some of the lovely feedback I have been receiving.Thank you ladies(or possibly gentleman, i don't know for sure if you are women) for your comments and support

I know how you feel you poor thing. I am 23, been diagnosed for 5 years with 3 laps and a cystectomy. You are a very brave lady and if you ever need to talk , I will be following your blog  x
-This is from Ella

Cheers! People just don't get it, my boss welcomed me back after surgery on Monday....and piled a load of crap on me yesterday. I cried a lot, he ran away looking awkward, lol! Thank you                           -This is from Pembs

Lol the annoying bit made me laugh know where u at! an this place really does help an it gives me strength just to know u not alone because this disease really does make u go insane in your head at times so go girls x and thank you x                                                                                                              -This is from Tui

chips aren't friends...and also not food

Since I was diagnosed with endometriosis...actually even before that when I was just having the symptoms and everybody told me I was crazy, food became my best friend.
And I think that it is time to try and make a real big change, and for the better.
Since my symptoms started about 5 years ago I have gained about 50 pounds...give or take a few when i'm not bloated like crazy. I weighed 105 pounds, could run for long periods of time, and never felt uncomfortable when trying to buy cloths or going out in public.
This is just another one of the gut-wrenching, confidence killing, mind screwing symptoms of this disease...weight gain.
Although this doesn't happen for everybody, it has happened to me. Its not necessarily the medications that cause this...its the stress, depression, and knowing that you can control whatever you want to eat. I turn to food for comfort, and that needs to change.
Its so easy to sit down with a bag of Cheetos and not notice that you are reaching the bottom of the bag. Its easy to buy the sodium filled snacks, because they're cheap and taste great at first.
By the time you have eating all of the crappy food you start to feel just as crappy as the food is. But on the way down it tastes so good, makes me feel satisfied, and I forget about my problems for a little while.
I know the food isn't good for me and i'm slowing cutting back but its going to be a long journey...
Plus I just really hate going to the damn gym

EndoMarch: What it means to me

Since I was asked to blog about the EndoMarch tonight's post is going to be exactly that. The EndoMarch to me means that this disease is finally being taken very seriously and will be given a chance to fight itself. There are millions of different walks advocating for cancer research, alzheimers, lupus, ect. And yet this is only the second year that there has been a walk for endometriosis awareness.This disease effects about 6.3 million in the US, 1 million in Canada, and millions more around the world. This disease has no cure, but there are different treatments that might help improve a patients quality of life. I have tried quite a few of there different treatments with little improvement, in fact I have now been diagnosed a stage 3. I am hoping that this walk will bring awareness to the rest of the world, make those who are suffering fight back, and hopefully prompt doctors into continuing research in order to find out what causes this disease. Even though I will probably continue to suffer I hope that research will eventually make it so that others don't have to experience what I and many others experience on a day to day basis.

http://www.endomarch.org/

Ripped my pants...I mean stitches

Its been over a week now since I hap my lap and I thought I was doing pretty good. Been able to use my stomach muscles more and my fiance no longer has to help me put my socks and pants on(god love him he's a damn saint). This morning though I woke up and went to change the bandages on my stomach only to find...BLOOD. That's right my incision was bleeding and I totally freaked out. My fiance is a firefighter and is out on a job so it is just me at my place with my two cats right now...and I didn't know what to do.  I though I was healed, but I guess I was wrong.
I went to the clinic near my place and the dr told me that it seemed that I ripped a stitch. Basically I either a)rolled over in my sleep the wrong way ,b)used the muscles in my stomach to much, c) I need to fart more because the gas in my stomach has nowhere to go so it blew a stitch to get released...or my fav answer d) I took a poop that put to much pressure on my tummy and I blew a stitch that way.
My lesson of the day children...don't take big poops lol
I now basically have to treat my body like its the second day after my surgery. Work is very interesting having to keep that in mind. My boss thinks its funny how I can't put away most of the dishes because the shelves are to high for me to reach to at the moment. And the sumo squats that I am doing in order to get things off lower shelves are going to make my legs jacked as hell and my butt muscles nice and tight. At least I'm getting something out of this comical torture...toned butt and thighs.
These are my nurses for the next week...God help me ;p
                                           

Workin Hard for the Money

I am not gonna lie and say that after you have a surgery that for the first few days, you will feel like crap and then its gonna be rainbows and unicorns pooping cottoncandy. Its been eight days since my lap and most people would be feeling pretty good.I myself feel ok with a side dish of 'Standing for 6 hours making drinks and serving customers was no walk in the park'. For the first few hours I felt great, but by the end of my shift boy was my stomach just hurtin.
So this post is going to be short and sweet as I am going to bed extra early tonight.
I uploaded some videos to my blog as well so let me know how they work out if you wouldn't mind.They are of different endo rally's.
Sweet dreams everybody, I'm officially turning in for the night in hopes that tomorrow will be a little less painful

Worldwide EndoMarch

Good Morning Ladies(and possibly)Gents
In the past few days since starting this blog I have gotten a lot of feedback and private responses in different ways about how this blog is helping women around the globe.Although I will never publicly name the brave people that give me feedback and comments because I am part of quite a few different endo networks, this was one of my responses that i just received.

Snap! I have so much in my head that this was a great way to spew it all out, and you are right if it helps others that's fab.  I have found it saves me telling friends and family so much, enough but not too much I get annoying

Whomever this lovely women is I would like to thank you for your response even though I do not know your name and know only that you reside in the United Kingdom. I live in Canada and this blog reached somebody who lives over the pond which I find amazing.
A few nights ago I contacted the 'Worldwide EndoMarch'(located in Washington, D.C.) Committe which is sponsered and founded by Dr.Camran Nezhat, Dr. Farr Nezhat, Dr Ceana Nezhat and Dr Adazeh Nezhat. I was offering to share my story with them in hopes that others might connect to my story. This morning I received an answer. They said that 'they would be honored to put my blog on their website' and asked me if I would join their 'Bloggers Unite' program that united bloggers from different communities. Obvi I said yes to this offer.
So for the next little while I will be dedicating some of my posts to their 'Bloggers Unite' program.I will still make regular posts, theirs will just be worked into the mix.Since I missed the deadline for their first post(Feb 2nd, I was having my lap surgery) I will be making up for that tonight. Thank you for the support from my followers(from all around the world) and thank you to the 'Worldwide Endomarch' for giving me the opportunity to blog for them and share my story even more.

For more information on the 'Worldwide EndoMarch' please visit:
http://www.endomarch.org/

Relaxation

Tomorrow I start my first day back at work since I took the time off for my surgery. I work in a small cafe and I love my job so much...but am not looking forward to having to wear real pants.This entire week I have been in over sized pajama pants because my stomach was the size of a 5 month pregnant women( guess I will know what to expect when I actually become preggo). These pants are so roomy, soft, fluffy, and don't make me feel suffocated like a pair of jeans do. For about a week at work I could probably get away with wearing my sweatpants and yoga pants....but I feel that eventually i'm gonna have to squeeze my chubby ass into a pair of jeans just to look acceptable to the rest of the world.
Even though my stomach has shrank a significant amount since my surgery, I still have what some women call 'The Endo Belly'. I have(although I'm hating to admit this) gained weight in the past few years due to my endo, the stress(I'm a stress eater), depression, and not doing as much physical activity as I should be doing...i really just hate the gym with a passion. But what happens to my belly is completely different. One minute my stomach looks flat,delightful, and I'm not embarrassed to wear tight shirts. The next minute my stomach can bloat out like crazy for no actual reason. I am a petite person(only being 4'11 in height) so when my stomach decides to magically grow, its mortifying and I get ashamed of my body. I love myself, don't get me wrong. I am proud of myself, what I have accomplished in life, and I don't think I am overly displeasing to look at. But when my body decides to have a freak out, i resort back to being a 16 year old girl who was constantly worrying about her looks and weight...Which is a feeling that I hate because I know that I am perfect just the way I am(Or so my fiance tells me...god love him and his little fibs to make me feel beautiful).

Recently I mentioned the laparscopic surgery that I had and I just thought that I would elaborate for those who either don't know what it is, are thinking of having one done, have questions or concerns about them, or just in general want to hear my experience.
I went in for my second surgery on Feb 2nd, which was groundhog day and my Dads birthday...Happy birthday dad I forgot to call you because I was high on drugs...My bad.
This surgery was an exploratory surgery where the doctors make two(possibly three) incisions into your belly(mine the bellybutton and a little to the left). They then use a scope and a tool that will basically singe off any endometriosis that they find while making scrambled eggs in your belly.
I woke up from my surgery and honestly coming off of an anesthetic is the strangest thing in the world. Its like a dream except a part of you knows that what you say or do can actually be seen by the rest of the world. Honestly everything went pretty well.My fiance later told me that when I came back into the resting area that I requested a Popsicle, and proceeded to stare off into space and about every minute...would lick the Popsicle. He said that he was surprised that the Popsicle didn't melt before I finished it. My words came out perfectly when I spoke, but I don't think that I was all there for a while. Overall I'm glad I had this second lap done because I found out that I am now in stage 3 of this disease and that the doctors need to be more aggressive with my treatments. Meaning birthcontrol, the drug Visanne, and anything else they can think of will be combined to hopefully stall the progression. I just hope my hair doesn't fall out from these crazy hormonal combinations of drugs... don't think I could rock the bald look very well

I recently had a laparoscopy in order to help reduce the constant pain that I have because of my endo. Currently I am sitting on the couch because it hurts to walk around. I had the surgery on Monday and it has now been a week full of having my fiance help me put socks and pants on, not being able to eat much food because T3's make me sick, and only being able to sleep on my back with my legs in the air because laying flat hurts like a biatchhh. I have had this surgery before but this one has had a much harder recovery due to the fact that I am now in the stage 3 category of my disease.
There are four stages to this disease:
Stage 1-minimal
Stage 2-mild
Stage 3-moderate
Stage 4-severe
Each stage is based on the amount of the disease, location, depth, and size of the endometrial growths. The weird thing about all of this is that even if you are a stage 4 you could be in less pain than somebody who is a stage 1. So I would personally like to give a huge 'THANKYOU' to this disease for making absolutely no sense, not having a cure, and for affecting about 2 to 10 percent of women in the world who are of childbearing age. Go home endo...you be crazy.

Endo

According to the MedlinePlus Encyclopedia, which is a service of the U.S. National 
Library of Medicine, the definition of Endometriosis is as follows:

Endometriosis

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Endometriosis occurs when cells from the lining of your womb
 (uterus) grow in other areas of your body. This can cause pain, 
heavy bleeding, bleeding between periods, and problems getting 
pregnant(infertility).

Although this definition makes this disease sound 'Mehhhh' or 'Not so Bad' 
or maybe even 'Controllable'...I am personally telling you that it is no 
such walk in the damn park.
The big kicker in the nuts(and yes I do realize that I do not have nuts, 
I in fact have ovaries but those are hard to kick) is that this disease has no cure. Yes, there are different treatments and procedures that can help manage the 
effects of the disease,but the only sure fire way to get rid of this disease is to chop 
out your lady parts entirely(no i do not find this a good option and it is only
 for those who do not want children). Personally...I like my lady parts right 
where they are, even though they are hostile, aggressive,
 and down right killing my body.

Remember

Remember when you were a child and whenever you hurt yourself, how people would always tell you that the pain wasn't as bad as you were making it out to be...
People are crazy.
For years I was told that there was nothing wrong with me and that the pain I was feeling was all in my head.It took about four years, numerous adventures into emerge, many blood tests, a billion ultrasounds that were inconclusive, and about five different doctors before somebody could finally tell me what was wrong with my body.
I am 22 years old and I have Endometriosis.