Depression is hard to beat

I have tried to convince myself that for the past few weeks I have been fine...but I can only fool myself for so long. Ever since I started taking Visanne I have been more depressed than I thought. My days have been blurring together, I seem to have a very small appetite, and I have no energy to do anything.

The fact that I never want to leave my house isn't helping anything either...but every time I try to get the motivation to do anything I can't seem to force myself to actually go through with it. I now what I'm feeling isn't normal, but it is so hard to change those feelings. I haven't even wanted to update posts in my blog...which if you haven't realized I love doing. But lately not so much. The few things that get me through my days are my sweet kitties and my fiance, but ohhhh lucky me my fiance isn't home this week so its just me and the furr balls.

I realize this post is short...but it's all that I can manage to write today. I need to find something to focus my mind on so that I can fight this depression. Since that's not happening today I am watching 'Despicable Me' instead...that should fight some depression I should think.

Its been a while...

So it has been about a week since I've posted anything...mainly because I have been dealing with some personal issues that don't have anything to do with my endo.
But of course...along with my personal issues comes my endo pain. Lately I have been experiencing migraines, nausea, and so much fatigue. That combined with my general life problems...and I have been feeling like the biggest bag of crap that has ever lived. I admit that that's a little over kill on my part, but I have barely left my house...my migraines keep making me stay in bed, and puking is just not fun at all. Does never leaving my house help my issues...no of course it doesn't. But when I feel so sick that leaving the house just isn't an option what am I really supposed to do.
I have now tried every trick that I could Google in order to battle these physical issues that are making the pain in my tummy flare up more that I would like. Google has failed me. Not only do my migraines continue....my tummy is bloated to the extreme, I feel extremely un-sexy, and I am starting to feel like my body really does hate me. Add in my crazy emotions...and I don't even think i'd want to be around me right now(not that I really have a choice).

It's my BIRTHDAYYY

It's my 23rd birthday today and I have now been a strong fighter of my endo for about 8 years.I would like to thank everybody who reads my blog for all of their encouragement and support. I know I have touched a lot of different people's lives since starting my blog. And each of those people have touched my life as well. Thank you so much for all of the love and support... it honestly means the world to me.
Now I am off to have a home spa night for myself and hopefully not jinx the fact that I have been completely pain free today.
Again thanks for the support, encouragement, and love from all of my readers
Xo

Being a 'Troll'

My body is being all kinds of crazy lately and I think i'm now so used to it that I don't even really notice anymore. From my fiance's point of view I have been a 'Bitchy Emotional Troll'...not gonna lie when he said this to me I did nothing but laugh.
It's hard to see the changes in yourself...and maybe its just that I don't want to see the changes in myself. The changes mean that the medication's that I am on are not only combating my endo...but changing me as a person and not for the better. So what are my options.
1. Take no medications and make my bed my new BFF and never leave its comfy sheets
2. Be a crazed hormonal person and risk ruining relationships in my life
3. Try new medications and pray that they don't have the same affects
To be honest I don't like either of these options because either way I pretty much loose in some way or another. So I am now stuck deciding which of these three options I take. Do I really want to never leave my bed....no it's honestly not all that comfy after a while. Do I continue the medication combo that I am currently on and have my fiance hate being around me because I'm just to much to handle. Or do I go to my dr and tell him everything and just be put onto another medication that is probably going to have the same outcomes as the ones that I am on...hormone meds do the same thing...even if they all have different names.
I feel so at a loss right now because no matter what...some aspect of my life is going to suffer. I guess I just have to pick which aspect I don't mind having be destroyed...My body physically...or my relationship with my fiance.
If somebody can make this decision for me then please do. Obviously I would pick to save my relationship because he means the world to me...but then do I make him take care of my physically when I can't get out of bed to even put pants on, I pass out from the pain shooting up my back, or have to be taken to the hospital because of how rough of shape I am in. These things are what happens when I'm not on medication.
Either way I feel like my relationship is going to suffer. Either I stay on meds and be a 'Bitchy Emotional Troll' or I go off of the meds and 'Become one with my bed'.
My endo and I need to come up with a deal...and fast because i'm getting quite pissed off with my lady parts and the crap that it brings.

PS this is a troll...I see no resemblance    

the perfect man

Many women lately have been having some hard times in the 'Love' department. I have seem many stories of women's husbands/boyfriends/lovers leaving them because of this disease and what it brings with it. This disease(along with other chronic pain diseases) are no walk in the park. Not only are you in pain but you get emotional, you body can change physically, and your sex life might be non-existent. These are only a few examples of ways that peoples lives have changed while being sufferers of endometriosis. There certainly are other ways that our lives change, but those are different for every person.
Love is the one thing that shouldn't be compromised.
I am very lucky to be with the man of my dreams. We have been together for about 5 years, are engaged and live together with our two annoying, yet very sweet cats.We met in my first year of university and have been together every since. We have had our ups and downs along the way...but we always loved and supported each other. He was with me when I first started having my symptoms of endo and has stuck with me through everything. He comes to all of my dr appointments(whenever he's available as he is a firefighter) and has been with me for both of my surgery's.
He puts up with my mood swings, my ever changing body, my weird eating habits. Along with being my supporter, lover, fighter, and my number one fan.
I hope that reading this makes some women see that there are many men out there who would be honored to be with them. Even though you have to sift through all of the garbage men along the way...there is a prince charming out there for everybody. I got lucky and found mine early on in life...but that's just me. My father found the love of his life with his second wife. My older sister is still single and has ever even brought somebody home. My friends grandfather found the love of his life at 65 years old...it really is different for everybody.
I know that its hard putting up with all the stupid Man-child-boys that are in the world...but its just a challenge that us women have to win.

    

No sleep might kill me

The last time that I saw my doctor I asked him if my constant nausea and cramping when I slept was a symptom of endo...and he said not that he knew of.

How can what I be feeling not be a symptom. When I go to sleep...it starts off peaceful and lovely. And then I am woken up by extreme nausea, cramping, and shoots of pain going up and down my body. And this has been happening a lot...like almost every night. And I am not the only person who gets this feeling. I have tried heating pads, Gravol, pain killers, menstrual cramping medication ect. I have found nothing that stops/helps the pain. 

So I lay there every night...trying to wait out the pain but doing this really sucks.I think the Gravol helps a little bit...but maybe it just helps put me back to sleep so my body is combating the pain while I'm passed out from medication. If anybody who reads this has an opinion on this night time terror...or has any suggestions on how to help it...that would be great. Because I can't sleep straight through the night and it's really starting to take a tole on my body.

At first I thought that maybe it was what I was eating before bed.(I'm a snacker...no way to deny that one)..and then I ate nothing before bed and it still happened. And its not like this just happens at certain times during the month...because I don't get my period anymore, and haven't for a long time due to my birth control. It just happens a lot throughout the entire month so I can't even say that its my body telling me i'm getting my period.

I just want a decent nights sleep...

I also don't want to be afraid of going to sleep because I know whats going to happen.

If you have any opinions feel free to comment or contact me at:

myendomylife@gmail.com

Or on facebook at;

https://www.facebook.com/myendomylife